I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
As shirtless as possible
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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