I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
