Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
