my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
