This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
As shirtless as possible
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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