dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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