he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
