Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
