no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
