she woke up with a sticky ear
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
