Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
