Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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