Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
