apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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