Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize