No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
