So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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