that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
