this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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