There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
