An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
