I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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