he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
