I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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