well you can't waste a boner
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
