The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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