At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
