I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
