I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
