Sry I called you an 8
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
