You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
