Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I touched a dick in church today
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
