We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
