i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
