The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
