my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
