Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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