Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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