Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
