he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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