is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
