Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
