if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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