At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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