After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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