After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
