Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
