she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
