I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
