Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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