i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
PS: I just woke up from my shower
They took my balls.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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