i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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