Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
