is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
