matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
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