I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
