Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
