So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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