he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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