Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
