I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
