Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
