honey bunches of taint.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
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I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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