Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
