New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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