The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you will always have a special place in my vag
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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