Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
