I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
