I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He? As in you personified your dick?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
