i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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