So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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