Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
