I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
