Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
