I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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